Hey, don't make that kind of face, it's really not anything bad!
[ Hopefully. ]
I just-- you were being honest with me, and there's something I haven't told you yet, about myself... and it might not really be all that big, but--
[ Rion stops herself, though, realizing she's rambling and presses one palm flat over her heart. She can still remember what it had felt like, that lone heartbeat like a warning. ]
... Sorry. I haven't ever really... talked about this before, with anyone.
[ Kou and the others had been there for it, after all. Having to actually talk about it is making her throat tighten up, for as much as she's telling herself that there's nothing to be afraid of. ]
[absolutely none of that makes him feel any better!1 if anything, it just makes him worry about her more. not that he thought they had shared everything with each other in the three months of their friendship, but. . .]
Yeah, I am. My leg feels better already.
[he swings same over the edge of the cot and stretches, hands linked above his head, before he stands. as advertised, he isn't favoring one leg over the other. the injury is healing up nicely]
I'll listen to whatever you want to tell me, Rion. [. . . but. . .] Only if you're really comfortable talking about it.
[ Honesty, and it's probably not something Rion says that often, because it's Rion. She's got the nerve to tease others playfully, and to challenge her fellow idols to push themselves to their limits as hard as she pushes herself, and she tends to be blunt with the people she cares about most. If there's something she doesn't want to talk about, she just doesn't say it. ]
But...
[ as soon as he straightens up, she offers him her hand to lead him outside of the tent. ]
I feel like I need to. It's still a part of me, and I can't deny that. So even if I don't want to talk about it, I do want you to know me. All of me.
[he places his own hand on top of hers, fingers pressed against her palm as he studies her expression. now he really has no idea where she's going with this, but the way she says that. . . it makes him feel just a bit warm]
[ And she does, with only a squeeze in return before she lightly tugs him into an easy walk. She's silent up until they leave the tent, and she really only starts talking when they start passing less people. Is she headed for anywhere in particular?
Nope. But it's easier to talk when it's not in such a hushed environment in the first place. ]
Do you remember what I told you, about the time I got really badly injured-- about ten years ago?
It was... pretty bad. Like, even as a kid, I knew I was probably going to die. And that... scared me. They were rushing me into surgery, and all I could think was "I want to live" and "please let me live", over and over and over.
[ Rion takes a slow, careful breath. ]
I can't remember a whole lot of it, but I remember seeing what I thought was an angel. And I remember somehow knowing that it would save me, if I'd just let it.
... So I wound up being possessed by a Grimm Greed. I got through the surgery because of that, but I also completely wrecked the room and forgot all about it for years. Like that was that, end of story.
Except every so often, things would start getting weird when I sang. Like our sound equipment malfunctioned at our very first concert, and I learned a lot later that Eclipses were coming into existence from things that involved my voice.
And ten years was apparently just long enough for that Greed to decide to get serious. I guess angelic possession gradually leads to you becoming something like its "kin"-- kind of like a lesser Greed. And the reason I collapsed and was taken to the hospital was because its power was starting to take me over.
... I knew something was wrong. Reika got on my case because she knew I wasn't singing to my fullest, but I started figuring out that things were only happening when I sang. And even though I tried to distance myself and practice alone so no one would get hurt, that kinda backfired royally.
[. . . to his credit, Akira doesn't outwardly react. there are no sharp gasps, or shouted exclamations, or any hitches in his steps. the only sign that any of this is taking him by surprise is the way his grip tightens on her hand. otherwise. . .?]
[he stays quiet, even if he feels a bit of tension building on his shoulders now. he gets the feeling she isn't done, and he won't interrupted until her story is finished]
[ She appreciates it-- really. It's a lot for anyone to have to process, even if Akira already knows a lot about the situation at this point. ]
The whole thing about Mitsuki-senpai's fiancee using me-- that was also true. He learned about me and forced me to remember-- and for that Greed to awaken, so he could control it and use its power to gain status for himself.
... It was me who dragged the whole hospital into the Eclipse. It was me who put people at risk because of my dream, and the wish I'd made. Patients and nurses and doctors-- they all had their souls removed from their bodies because of me.
[ it's her turn to tighten her grip on his hand, staring fixedly at the ground. ]
Kou-kun and the others saved me from turning into a kin and I awakened as a wielder instead and fought the Greed that had been separated from me. But it went berserk, so to calm it down, I sang to it and let it return to being inside of me. Things pretty much calmed down after that.
[ And then this exhausted soul went sprinting off to her own concert. Unbelievable. ]
... Anyway, that's... about it. There's still the power of this Greed inside of me, and even though it's close to impossible that I'll get possessed like that again...
There's also no guarantee that this power won't act up again and people might get hurt. I'll do everything in my power to keep that from happening, but... it's there. They said they can't remove it at this point either, not without it killing me.
[ a pause, and then Rion kind of jazzhands with her free hand and an incredibly tiny smile. ]
[there's one thing about this that absolutely sticks out at Akira, and suddenly he's stopping in his tracks, heels dug into the ground as he tugs on Rion's hand to get her to face him]
Hey. It wasn't your fault.
[he hadn't missed the way she had blamed herself. because of me. it sends his hackles bristling, just as the story about her senpai's fiancee had the first time he heard it]
[ There are times where Akira reminds her strongly of Kou-- his sometimes deadpan sense of humor, the way he'd do anything for his friends.
And this too.
Rion, lightly pulled to a halt, turns to face him, still with that tired little smile. ]
I know. Logically, I know that it was the guy who used me. He told me I should feel honored, and even now, I can't entirely forgive him.
There's just... a part of me that still can't really shake the fact that it happened because I accepted that Grimm into me in the first place. Especially when I remember seeing all those bodies lying there, unconscious...
[ Rion swallows thickly, slowly shaking her head. ]
I'll believe it completely one day, probably. I'm just not entirely there yet.
[Akira sets his jaw tightly, and thinks back to Ann first. how Ann blamed herself for what happened to Shiho. . . for not calling Kamoshida on his bluff, for not standing up to him sooner. and it stokes dormant embers in his stomach, something that heats up rapidly and sets fire through his veins and reminds him of why he and the others became Phantom Thieves in the first place]
[shitty adults. shitty adults who wounded and scarred and treated great people like Rion and Ann and Shiho as tools for their own personal gain. and those three were the ones who had to live with the memories of those scars for the rest of their lives]
Nobody can blame you for the choices you made as a kid. [he continues, voice firm and emphatic. almost authoritative in its sound; she's never seen this from him before, that's for sure] No one can blame you for the choices you made while injured and desperate to keep living.
And if anyone ever tried. . . they'd be wrong.
[. . .]
I'll say that as many times as it takes for you to believe it.
[it may be bold, to say something when he's only hearing about the situation second hand from her. but he believes it]
[ It's true, she's never seen him like this. Dangerously mischievous, breathlessly fond, dryly sassy, but this new tone that allows for no arguments? That's new.
But he says it so firmly that even if she wanted to protest, Rion doubts the words would even come or put a dent in the wall of his conviction.
Her next breath is a shaky one. ]
You know, I was only telling you this so you knew I had this kind of thing inside of me.
[there's something about the way she phrases it that bothers him, too. he knows she wanted to be honest with him for the sake of being completely open, and he appreciates that so much more than he can say. but he can't shake the feeling that she also told him because she felt like he needed to know she could potentially be dangerous. like being around her had to come with warning signs. like she was some kind of liability]
[he doesn't want her to feel that way. if that is, in fact, how she feels. he can't make assumptions; he's only just now learning about her angel, after all. so instead he asks, his voice quieting into something softer]
. . . you said it was impossible for the Grimm to act up again, but-- are you afraid that it will?
[ He's not wrong. She'd wanted Akira to know because this, too, was still a secret and if they both really wanted to pursue something together, she wouldn't have been been happy if she'd kept this part entirely to herself.
But it was also a warning. Perhaps an unnecessary warning in the long run, but as long as the possibility wasn't 0%, she couldn't entirely dismiss it and act as though all she was... was an idol who just so happened to fight monsters.
Her gaze slips away from his, just barely. ]
I don't think I'll get possessed again-- I don't think it'll come to that. But that kind of destructive power...
... Yeah. I'm afraid that one day I might end up hurting the people around me again.
[ And Akira, having risen to become one of the closest people-- if nothing else, he ought to at least know that he could be endangered. ]
[ Rion lets him, tense as she is at first (she'd cried out when she'd remembered, and he'd smirked, smirked and wrapped his fingers around her chin as though he had every right in the world to touch her); Akira is incredibly, vastly different, and there's a gentleness in his touch that's almost at odds with his unyielding tone.
But that, too, is something gentle, in his own way. He says it so confidently, even though she'd tried to explain just how much damage she'd caused. He says it like he's entirely sure that he'd be fine, if it happened.
It's so absurd and so absolutely Akira that a laugh escapes-- though it's frail and choked.
Because this means so much. Maybe even more than he'll know. ]
[ it's more than a little gratifying to know that even Akira can't be smooth and suave all the time, and Rion smiles, lips lingering over his palm as she speaks. ]
Mm. I figured if anyone wouldn't change his mind over it, it'd be you.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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[ Hopefully. ]
I just-- you were being honest with me, and there's something I haven't told you yet, about myself... and it might not really be all that big, but--
[ Rion stops herself, though, realizing she's rambling and presses one palm flat over her heart. She can still remember what it had felt like, that lone heartbeat like a warning. ]
... Sorry. I haven't ever really... talked about this before, with anyone.
[ Kou and the others had been there for it, after all. Having to actually talk about it is making her throat tighten up, for as much as she's telling herself that there's nothing to be afraid of. ]
Are you okay to walk for a bit, Akira?
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Yeah, I am. My leg feels better already.
[he swings same over the edge of the cot and stretches, hands linked above his head, before he stands. as advertised, he isn't favoring one leg over the other. the injury is healing up nicely]
I'll listen to whatever you want to tell me, Rion. [. . . but. . .] Only if you're really comfortable talking about it.
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[ Honesty, and it's probably not something Rion says that often, because it's Rion. She's got the nerve to tease others playfully, and to challenge her fellow idols to push themselves to their limits as hard as she pushes herself, and she tends to be blunt with the people she cares about most. If there's something she doesn't want to talk about, she just doesn't say it. ]
But...
[ as soon as he straightens up, she offers him her hand to lead him outside of the tent. ]
I feel like I need to. It's still a part of me, and I can't deny that. So even if I don't want to talk about it, I do want you to know me. All of me.
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All right.
[his fingers close around hers, and he squeezes]
Lead the way.
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Nope. But it's easier to talk when it's not in such a hushed environment in the first place. ]
Do you remember what I told you, about the time I got really badly injured-- about ten years ago?
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[when she does speak, however, he nods]
I do.
[but doesn't really say anything else other than a quick confirmation of her question]
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[ Rion takes a slow, careful breath. ]
I can't remember a whole lot of it, but I remember seeing what I thought was an angel. And I remember somehow knowing that it would save me, if I'd just let it.
... So I wound up being possessed by a Grimm Greed. I got through the surgery because of that, but I also completely wrecked the room and forgot all about it for years. Like that was that, end of story.
Except every so often, things would start getting weird when I sang. Like our sound equipment malfunctioned at our very first concert, and I learned a lot later that Eclipses were coming into existence from things that involved my voice.
And ten years was apparently just long enough for that Greed to decide to get serious. I guess angelic possession gradually leads to you becoming something like its "kin"-- kind of like a lesser Greed. And the reason I collapsed and was taken to the hospital was because its power was starting to take me over.
... I knew something was wrong. Reika got on my case because she knew I wasn't singing to my fullest, but I started figuring out that things were only happening when I sang. And even though I tried to distance myself and practice alone so no one would get hurt, that kinda backfired royally.
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[. . . to his credit, Akira doesn't outwardly react. there are no sharp gasps, or shouted exclamations, or any hitches in his steps. the only sign that any of this is taking him by surprise is the way his grip tightens on her hand. otherwise. . .?]
[he stays quiet, even if he feels a bit of tension building on his shoulders now. he gets the feeling she isn't done, and he won't interrupted until her story is finished]
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The whole thing about Mitsuki-senpai's fiancee using me-- that was also true. He learned about me and forced me to remember-- and for that Greed to awaken, so he could control it and use its power to gain status for himself.
... It was me who dragged the whole hospital into the Eclipse. It was me who put people at risk because of my dream, and the wish I'd made. Patients and nurses and doctors-- they all had their souls removed from their bodies because of me.
[ it's her turn to tighten her grip on his hand, staring fixedly at the ground. ]
Kou-kun and the others saved me from turning into a kin and I awakened as a wielder instead and fought the Greed that had been separated from me. But it went berserk, so to calm it down, I sang to it and let it return to being inside of me. Things pretty much calmed down after that.
[ And then this exhausted soul went sprinting off to her own concert. Unbelievable. ]
... Anyway, that's... about it. There's still the power of this Greed inside of me, and even though it's close to impossible that I'll get possessed like that again...
There's also no guarantee that this power won't act up again and people might get hurt. I'll do everything in my power to keep that from happening, but... it's there. They said they can't remove it at this point either, not without it killing me.
[ a pause, and then Rion kind of jazzhands with her free hand and an incredibly tiny smile. ]
Surpriiiise.
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Hey. It wasn't your fault.
[he hadn't missed the way she had blamed herself. because of me. it sends his hackles bristling, just as the story about her senpai's fiancee had the first time he heard it]
You understand that, right? It wasn't your fault.
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And this too.
Rion, lightly pulled to a halt, turns to face him, still with that tired little smile. ]
I know. Logically, I know that it was the guy who used me. He told me I should feel honored, and even now, I can't entirely forgive him.
There's just... a part of me that still can't really shake the fact that it happened because I accepted that Grimm into me in the first place. Especially when I remember seeing all those bodies lying there, unconscious...
[ Rion swallows thickly, slowly shaking her head. ]
I'll believe it completely one day, probably. I'm just not entirely there yet.
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[shitty adults. shitty adults who wounded and scarred and treated great people like Rion and Ann and Shiho as tools for their own personal gain. and those three were the ones who had to live with the memories of those scars for the rest of their lives]
Nobody can blame you for the choices you made as a kid. [he continues, voice firm and emphatic. almost authoritative in its sound; she's never seen this from him before, that's for sure] No one can blame you for the choices you made while injured and desperate to keep living.
And if anyone ever tried. . . they'd be wrong.
[. . .]
I'll say that as many times as it takes for you to believe it.
[it may be bold, to say something when he's only hearing about the situation second hand from her. but he believes it]
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[ It's true, she's never seen him like this. Dangerously mischievous, breathlessly fond, dryly sassy, but this new tone that allows for no arguments? That's new.
But he says it so firmly that even if she wanted to protest, Rion doubts the words would even come or put a dent in the wall of his conviction.
Her next breath is a shaky one. ]
You know, I was only telling you this so you knew I had this kind of thing inside of me.
... But thanks, Akira.
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[there's something about the way she phrases it that bothers him, too. he knows she wanted to be honest with him for the sake of being completely open, and he appreciates that so much more than he can say. but he can't shake the feeling that she also told him because she felt like he needed to know she could potentially be dangerous. like being around her had to come with warning signs. like she was some kind of liability]
[he doesn't want her to feel that way. if that is, in fact, how she feels. he can't make assumptions; he's only just now learning about her angel, after all. so instead he asks, his voice quieting into something softer]
. . . you said it was impossible for the Grimm to act up again, but-- are you afraid that it will?
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But it was also a warning. Perhaps an unnecessary warning in the long run, but as long as the possibility wasn't 0%, she couldn't entirely dismiss it and act as though all she was... was an idol who just so happened to fight monsters.
Her gaze slips away from his, just barely. ]
I don't think I'll get possessed again-- I don't think it'll come to that. But that kind of destructive power...
... Yeah. I'm afraid that one day I might end up hurting the people around me again.
[ And Akira, having risen to become one of the closest people-- if nothing else, he ought to at least know that he could be endangered. ]
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You won't.
[he says, the firmness in his words from earlier seeping back into his voice]
You won't, because the people who care about you won't let that happen. Kou, Ann, Dave, me. . .
We're here for you, Rion.
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But that, too, is something gentle, in his own way. He says it so confidently, even though she'd tried to explain just how much damage she'd caused. He says it like he's entirely sure that he'd be fine, if it happened.
It's so absurd and so absolutely Akira that a laugh escapes-- though it's frail and choked.
Because this means so much. Maybe even more than he'll know. ]
G-geez, you and your cool speeches...
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It wasn't really a "speech."
I was just telling you how I felt.
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[ And she reaches up to grasp the hand cradling her cheek, warm and stable, and draws it back just enough, turns her head just enough--
To kiss his palm. Her way of thanking him when "thank you" isn't enough. ]
I guess this means you're okay with all of me, then?
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Like that was ever in doubt.
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Mm. I figured if anyone wouldn't change his mind over it, it'd be you.
I still thought I should tell you, though.
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[but at the same time, something about his expression falls]
I'm sorry you had to go through all of that, though.
[SHITTY ADULTS]
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[ Hand still grasping his, she lowers it to speak properly. ]
I think the thing that made me the angriest was how he looked down on idols. But that was about the time I realized how pathetic he was, and well...
An idol's will isn't anything that weak. I'm pretty sure I taught that to him thoroughly.
And I like to think I came out stronger for it, you know? I'm glad I was able to talk to you about it, too.
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You're definitely stronger for it.
[he can say that with conviction, despite not knowing her before her experiences with her angel]
You're one of the strongest people I've met here, Rion.
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[ She has to laugh, slowly twining their fingers together. ]
I've thought the same about you for awhile now, Akira.
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